Pensi(e)ve

I know I'm very up-and-down with this whole blog deal. Well, the ol' bloggercoaster (forgive the ridiculous analogy) is once again back up. The main reason for this? I have been once again finding myself in that state of constant 'hurry', my brain racing double-time the millisecond it's left unoccupied, thoughts and ideas crashing in like waves, hundreds at a time, invited or not. The second my head hits the pillow at night, it's already racing on to the next day, the next week, the next year, attempting to make plans, to control a place that's way out of my jurisdiction. An hour of this, and I become aware of the tension reaching the rest of my body. I breathe it out, relax every part of my body, clear my mind, and mere minutes pass before the tidal wave hits again.

So where does this lead me (besides sleepless and carrying a lot of crazy thoughts)? My mind reflexively starts reaching for an outlet -- for a place to record my experiences, express my feelings, somewhere to put all these thoughts so I can come back to focus on each one in my own sweet time. I make lists (many, many lists) and keep a half-hearted journal, and then there are some of these ideas of mine that I think would fit quite nicely on this here blog. Not only that, but I find that looking back on what I wrote about my past experiences has been a sort of re-education and a way to keep in mind the way I've changed alongside the events of my life. If nothing else, it's a great way to remind myself that I wasn't always the person I am now (in a good or bad way? that remains to be seen, I guess :).

Pretty sure I'm not the only person, ever, in the history of the world, to have felt this way. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's one of those universal feelings. This feeling (let's call it... "excited about life and overthinking stuff" ..just to put a technical name on it) has a long history of having spurred billions of people to do what I am doing at this very moment: to put feelings onto paper/computer screen/video blog/sheet music/clothing/any one of the unlimited ways people express the wild creativity with which we have been blessed as humans. (Yes, blessed. Even if it sometimes doesn't feel that way.) We all have our outlets. I have many: I talk to my loved ones; I cook or bake; I dance; I bike/ski/run; I do some yoga; I record my thoughts. In general, I'm pretty satisfied with the outlets I've chosen, although there is one particular device out there, one wonderful, mystical, magical - and undeniably practical - device, that will always make me wildly jealous, and I will always dream of having one.

To quote a wise, wise (fictional) man:
'I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind. At these times... I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one's leisure.'
-A. Dumbledore














...Seriously, IMAGINE BEING ABLE TO DO THAT!! Sigh.
I guess, for now, I'll settle for a small piece of the internet.